Have you been dreaming of starting something new?
And you might probably think that there would be no better time to make a brand-new start than now, during this time of uncertainty.
And you’ve been researching and gathering more and more resources, but no matter how much you’ve got, you keep feeling underprepared?
Have you considered yourself a perfectionist?
Do you know that perfectionism is the “mother” of procrastination?
Here I’d curated a list of quotes on perfectionism, and I’d also included my thoughts – my take – on each one of the sayings.
You know what? Writing this article was like reflecting on, talking to, and reminding myself of the things that are important for my self-growth. Self-improvement.
You really are not alone. We’re in this together!
1
Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?” Perfectionism is other-focused: “What will they think?”
Brené Brown
Striving for improvement in oneself is a necessity, as there will be no self-growth without it.
Hence devoid of human experience, as well as lack of purpose in one’s life.
We as social beings also need to strive for excellence in what we do – this way, we’d be able to direct whatever we ought to do in the direction of its fullest potential, with the use our current knowledge, wisdom, capability, resources and circumstances, at this particular point in our lifetime.
There is high probability that there are other people who do something similar with what we do – and they’ve managed to do it better.
Here. This is where the whole business gets tricky.
Comparison is the one that sabotages confidence, and kills it at the end, if we allow it to.
And most of the time, we need to try our hardest to fight back, in order to preserve our, perhaps hardly-attained, confidence.
If you try and ask yourself this:
“Who am I to possibly know what other people might think exactly about?”
Perhaps there would be no telephone if Alexander Graham Bell gave up to the harsh critics years before its pioneering success.
Even a bright, super clever man such as Martin Cooper, who invented the first handheld mobile cell phone, underestimated his own invention by stating that it would absolutely not replace local wire systems. And he continued that it won’t be cheap enough, even if one projects it beyond our lifetimes.
Turned out, through years-time a number of inventions lead to the development of much smaller and reasonably-priced mobile phones.
And It requires someone as idealistic and visionary as Steve Jobs to build something that’s been able to compete with the lone giant at the time, Bill Gates’ Microsoft.
All I can say is that there would be no something too “silly” to share with the world if you truly believe in its value, especially If you believe that it could possibly change someone’s life – of course, to the better.
There would be many improvements and improvisations required along the way.
But those improvements would never exist if you don’t even start.
So break that vicious cycle of perfectionism now – and just start first.
No one became the best in what they do without practice, constant learning, growth and improvements.
Someone you’ve compared yourself with might had once been at the exact same starting point as where you are right now.
But look at how “out of your league” they are in your eyes right now, nevertheless.
Just start. No one – nothing is perfect.
Don’t bother being better than anyone else. You’ve got your own self to compete with – and that would be more than enough for us to handle on our own.
And before long, you’ll be amazed to see how far you’ve gone since you first started – and probably how far ahead you are compared to most people.
2
At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.
Michael Law
For a long time, I have this tendency to be meticulous when it comes to planning, experimenting, and very likely in some other areas of my life, both consciously and subconsciously.
And sometimes I can feel it when I’ve crossed that border of perfectionism.
For example, I always do my research before stepping into the unknown – and yes, you’ve guessed it right: to the point of “indulgence” in “information-absorbing”. This is where I would feel like there’s not going to be enough information I could gather to become fully prepared for whatever it is I’d face in the near future; when I step outside. Into the scary unknown, e.g. high possibility of failure, making mistakes and violate something in the process, disappointing others and ultimately, myself – again.
This would be where perfectionism creates procrastination.
It’s rather easy for me to misinterpret fear as being not enough – not enough resources, not enough knowledge, not enough expertise, not enough experience, not enough information; you name it.
What I finally did was changing my perspective on it. From being not enough in anything, really, to the possibility that I’ve been held back by my own built-up fear.
It was only by calling it the right name then, that I gave myself the right prescription to my perfectionism issue.
That is, to force myself to step out of the becoming-uncomfortable-my-once-comfortable-zone (phew! That’s long!).
The result was astounding: The starting point was far from being perfect, I got to be honest here. And everything was scary, messy and hectic at first. But then I noticed that those walls of fear began to crumble down.
It’s like J. C. Chandor’s saying, “when it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life and that I can’t do.”
I witnessed the truth there – the hard way.
There was a period of time in my life where staying in the same place felt no longer comfortable. Instead, it became too painful to do so, to the point of me feeling numb. And empty. It feels like floating in the deep space for an indefinite period of time. Awful. Wouldn’t recommend!
I have to tell you, though, that the long-rooted habit doesn’t completely disappear. It pays a visit every now and then. Sometimes it almost wins, but I always make sure that I am the one who wins at the end – delayed or not.
Nevertheless, I’m extremely grateful that I jumped anyway. I take control of my own fear very much sooner, if not immediately, since then.
3
If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.
Ecclesiastes 11:4
True. Because there will never be a literally perfect condition.
The best we can get would be something that we feel and/or think is “perfect” for us, in a given circumstance.
There’s always going to be improvements along the way, and that’s why it is really important for us to not underestimate our capability to adapt.
I think we’ll never know the real, absolute perfection in our lifetime, because 1) we probably were designed to have that need for constant improvement to feel better time and time again, and 2) it’s true that there will always be something to be improved.
Were we not designed to be happy then? Life sounds restless with that constant improvement thingy.
Far from that, I believe that we don’t need perfection to be happy.
Imperfections are what made us and everything else in the universe unique and beautiful.
They are probably what have made us and everything else connected to each other.
They are probably the things that have made us keep going on in this very life.
Just imagine everyone and everything being perfect: boring, right? No one and nothing will bother doing anything anymore. Because what’s the point?
When everything loses its meaning, there will be no sadness and there will be no happiness, let alone joy. And so on.
So why would we favour the idea of perfectionism at all?
Keep growing, bear and share the fruit, be grateful, and love; I guess these are the keys to enjoy our life here.
4
There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and everyday confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense.
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Stopping us from reaching our goals is only one of many crimes committed by unmanaged perfectionism.
I had to, again, learn it the hard way that there is no such thing as perfect.
And I had to feel all the disappointments that came with it, before I could understand, appreciate and finally embrace the nature of imperfection.
For quite some time, of all the things, it felt like my fellow humans had contributed so much flaw to the perfect little world of mine.
To be completely honest, though, sometimes it’s still not easy for me to not get annoyed by things that people – including me, myself – do.
It still makes me mad when people being dishonest and inconsistent to their own words.
It’s still hard for me to accept that people are not being fair.
It still bothers me that most people often mistaken being “good” for being right.
It’s really tough for me to witness the stupidest, most ignorant and most selfish things done by people – each who, by the way, had been given brain to think.
And it drives me nuts that people won’t try to see beyond what’s directly in front of them.
But you know what, these thoughts were not there to make me happy.
At some point in my life, I even realized that these thoughts might be one of the reasons for the fact that I’ve been limiting myself to have more friends.
And thinking about it more and more, I am not free from those flaws I’ve been projecting upon others. Probably at some points in my life:
I did something that made me hate myself.
I was being unfair to myself or perhaps anyone else.
I chose to say something more pleasing instead of telling the truth.
I did something that I knew wasn’t right, wasn’t so nice, and rather selfish; or perhaps too selfless or lacked the ability to stand my own or my loved one’s ground – that resentments were created along the way, usually around the damage itself.
I was being too judgmental towards some people.
So you see, no one was ever created to be perfect.
Protect yourself just enough, and keep your mind open to more experiences that can teach you life-changing lessons.
It’s okay, in fact, it’s good that you feel frustrated with someone being ignorant and too selfish to the point of irresponsible, frustrated with unfairness, and so on – because that means you’re being morally aware of your surroundings.
But don’t let it suck up so much of your energy, that you’re left with only a little bit of energy to focus on something productive, which may even be something that could lead to the solution.
I keep reminding myself not to get stuck in the world’s bitterness, for it serves no use when you allow it eat up all your light, hope and positivity, leaving you a sour, all-time-complaining, living zombie.
And I, too, keep training myself to let go what I can’t control, and see if there are things that I would be able to help to improve, and focus on those ones.
If you are capable of converting your frustration into something positive, productive and/or creative, that’s beautiful! Share it with all good intention – that’s perfect! See there? Perfect!
If you still can’t let go, maybe try and see if you can laugh some of them off?
During this stay-at-home period, I recently came across a comedy show called Community, which has taught me a thing or two: thinking deeper on the characters made me realize that each of them has got something going on in life, as well as messed up things that had happened in their lives, which have made them what they are. It struck me when I think about my perspective as an audience; I could laugh at the show out loud, and I could see how these imperfect, and even “broken” characters exist to teach and complete one another. In fact, this might be the very thing that’s made the story whole, sweet and beautiful. And not to mention, very funny and entertaining.
Watching this comedy show made me think that perhaps we as humans need to try and find that light-heartedness in things that we consider heavy and discouraging.
I would gladly testify that good sense of humour does help me coping with life.
5
You know, the whole thing about perfectionism — The perfectionism is very dangerous, because of course if your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything. Because doing anything results in … It’s actually kind of tragic because it means you sacrifice how gorgeous and perfect it is in your head for what it really is.
David Foster Wallace
Mm-hmm. Nothing beats imagination.
You envisioned those days where you’ve finally realized what you’ve been dreaming of and working hard for: Financial freedom, more time to enjoy life, travelling, blue sky, foods, being in service to others in the process – smiles everywhere, everything is light-hearted.
You worked hard and finally reached that point of your life in your reality:
You’ve got more financial freedom, yet can’t help but worrying about what to do next to maintain it.
Travelling everywhere, there is no place free from the unknown.
You can enjoy blue sky from certain, not all places on earth.
Being experimental with all the new foods, you’ll miss and appreciate your homemade foods more when something too spicy upsets your stomach and force you to bed rest for days.
Spend some fortune on a social cause, you’ll find it tricky to choose which one to work with. The one which is going to be trustworthy and capable of making a way to realize your vision.
You see, there is no place on Earth where the two sides of the coin wouldn’t exist alongside one another.
How bad is it, how good is it; everything exists relatively to its opposite.
Try aim for perfection with that in mind next time.
At the same time think about how unprepared you would be for the perfection’s opposite if you put too much expectation and faith in the perfection itself.
Uh-uh. No, thank you!
You now see that the whole idea of perfectionism (especially the unhealthy one) wouldn’t get you that far in life, right? It doesn’t help you at all, most of the time.
6
How will you know the difficulties of being human, if you are always flying off to blue perfection? Where will you plant your grief seeds? Workers need ground to scrape and hoe, not the sky of unspecified desire.
Rumi
There is reason why I don’t like reminiscing about my own past. Unpleasant memories make me uncomfortable, sometimes sad and even angry. Pleasant memories create that bitter-sweet feeling in me. That’s why I’d rather think about the future.
Came to think about it just now, probably I tend to focus on the future because that’s the only timeline that I haven’t gone through; I tend to find comfort in it because it exists only in my imagination, the only place perfection exists.
Hmm. I am a perfectionist.
Well, plus an overthinker.
Jackpot!
And then, snap.
But I have to give it to myself that this condition has been better since that point in my life where I conquered my biggest fear at the time.
Since then, I’ve been able to look back at certain memories and smile joyfully at them, by realizing how brave I was and how far I’ve gone.
Looks like I planted my grief seeds somewhere in the past and have been working on it ever since, that it’s growing slowly but steady and certain.
Two sides of the coin always exists side by side; There are both good and bad. Joe is taller than Bob because Bob is shorter than Joe, We won’t see light without darkness surrounding it.
One thing I’ve learned is that now I know how to be grateful for all those hardships in the past and for the courage to keep going, for without them I will never have and be able to go through the despair and finally felt joy – and knew how it differs from happiness – for the first time in my life.
7
A principle is the expression of perfection, and as imperfect beings like us cannot practice perfection, we devise every moment limits of its compromise in practice.
Mahatma Gandhi
In essence, principles were made to serve as a foundation or base to something, from which a set of guidelines was derived, around which things revolve in consistency to it.
But principles were man-made and so were made within human comprehension.
Even in science, particles behave differently when reduced to nanoscale; and there is specific reason around it.
Another example would be that in quantum physics, things are not as black-and-white as they’ve been in classical physics.
Long story short, an existence of a ‘previously-not-yet-discovered’ constant called the Planck’s constant has allowed quantum physics to acknowledge and describe the previously-indescribable things in the past, when physics was limited by its classical, Newtonian law.
And yet, human would probably still haven’t recognized quantum physics if classical, Newtonian physics was not found and developed in the past, in the first place.
See the connection here?
Principles were made in attempt to express things that are incomprehensible to human, and put it in a context along the way. So that the abstracts would become comprehensible and therefore applicable in our everyday life.
Now you see that principles are man-made, and so they are not perfect; and there would possibly be new knowledge or wisdom in the future that break some, if not all of them.
Everything in our world, as we can yet comprehend it, goes together with improvements. Progress.
Now what do you think about perfectionism? Inefficient, not helpful, and it could possibly restrain you from moving forward in life, right?
In our practices, we can attempt to get closer and closer to perfection (hence, excellence). But we can’t actually attain it, because we as humans were not designed for exactly it. We don’t know what perfection really is, yet.
We were designed to improve, to progress – and enjoy the amazing ride while doing so!
8
Every particular in nature, a leaf, a drop, a crystal, a moment of time is related to the whole, and partakes of the perfection of the whole.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Perhaps we’ve mistaken wholeness for perfection itself this whole time.
Realize it or not, we’ve been (subconsciously) very scared of feeling empty inside, and therefore would do anything to feel the opposites – ideally feeling happy, content, fulfilled. To feel WHOLE!
Isn’t it ironic that perfectionists would have harder time to feel happy, content; whole? Sad but true.
I keep reminding myself not to seek perfection, since it is absolutely beyond my reach. To feel content, fulfilled, whole – that’s the direction I should always go towards, instead!
Have you ever been amazed by nature? Imagine an oasis in the middle of desert, with mountains of sand dunes encircling it. And then imagine standing next to a trickling source of water within the oasis. Drink the cold spring water just as well as the cows enjoy sipping the very same pristine water from the water bumps covered with the greenest grass you’ve ever seen. Sounds like heaven on Earth, right?
That’s one of the best memories of mine, which has been there for keeping, for years now. Every element in this piece of the past: the pristine water, the cool breeze of fresh, unspoiled, unpolluted air, the tiny, shrimp-like organism in the fresh water, the cows grazing the pristine-water-filled grass, the grass-covered water bumps, the absence of people and their hustle-bustle in the midst of desert, only sounds of the wind and trickling water; every one of these elements partakes of the perfection of this whole moving, and I’d say, spiritual experience.
Just like the tiny shrimp-like water creature, green grass, thirst-quenching water, one of the cows, the breeze, or the sand dunes; every one of us partakes of the perfection of the whole grand scheme of things.
9
90 percent perfect and shared with the world always changes more lives than 100 percent perfect and stuck in your head.
Jonathan Acuff
Looking back in time, there was never 100% perfect condition when the time came. All the time. Never a 100%-preparedness for any type of academic examination. Always less than 100% preparation for every project that I ever took on.
Sure, life was never that smooth because of that. Every lack of something had to be compromised. We all will require improvisation, adjustment and adaptation to get through the obstacles, to achieve the goals.
Even so, it’s often not the initial goal itself that was achieved. And even though the goal was finally achieved, the life-changing rewards usually came from what was learned along the journey – and those would forever be the things to be grateful for and appreciate in life. Sometimes it’s like meh, the goal doesn’t really matter at the end (or like the “so, this is it…?” scenarios). And this has been especially true when the goal set was a readily-tangible one.
Now, there’s still no such thing as 100% perfect preparation to anything, but at least I’ve learned that there will always going to be changes along the way. We wouldn’t possibly know everything at the very start; our assumptions wouldn’t all be right.
Imagine you’re climbing a mountain. The goal is to reach the very top of it. You’d likely start at the very bottom – the base – way below. How could you possibly get the best view from the very bottom?
Same thing here; as we go further in our journey, the reality unfolds one-by-one and we gain new information, knowledge, and eventually new perspectives and ways of thinking. Hence the more favourable state at which new possibilities and opportunities come our way.
If you feel like you haven’t changed even a single person’s life at this stage, know that you had changed yours the moment you chose to start.
So, how are you feeling right now?
I hope my writing did spark some new perspectives on perfectionism within you.
And I hope with this you’ll find ease and courage in your attempt to break free from that vicious cycle of perfectionism and procrastination.
Love and best wishes,
Ella
7 Procrastination Quotes and How to Overcome This All-Time Nemesis
