In this period of uncertainty, no one could possibly know exactly what to expect in the future.
And this is understandably scary.
Perhaps frustrating and even depressing, especially if you’ve got to share your life with others – and you are that person they always go to when they need comfort.
Because deep inside you’re now like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode from being overwhelmed, and you can’t show it to your more fragile loved ones.
Like it or not, though, befriending uncertainty seems to be the wiser and more sensible choice for us in times like these.
But how are we gonna do just that?
Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do:
Make yourself a huge mug of hot chai latte or other drink of your choice.
Get yourself comfortable on your me-time couch or whatever you prefer.
Put your ear- or headphones on and listen to songs that give you comfort.
Take a deep breath and set your intention.
Read on.
P.S. You’re not alone. We’re all in this together. In fact, I wrote this article (and the others!) to myself as well – writing this was like a self-reflection to me. Believe that we ARE going to come out of this stronger.
1
I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of uncertainty about different things, but I am not absolutely sure of anything and there are many things I don’t know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we’re here. I don’t have to know an answer. I don’t feel frightened not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose, which is the way it really is as far as I can tell.
Richard P. Feynman
The man himself also said, “I can live with doubt and uncertainty and not knowing. I think it is much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers that might be wrong. If we will only allow that, as we progress, we remain unsure, we will leave opportunities for alternatives. We will not become enthusiastic for the fact, the knowledge, the absolute truth of the day, but remain always uncertain … In order to make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown ajar.”
It still leaves me perplexed how ones could be so quick and assertive enough when they decide that something is right or wrong – and say it out loud. In front of someone. Or people.
And for the longest time I’ve been aspiring to possess that kind of confidence and verbal fluency; to have that sort of reassuring quality and quick response in every public speaking and even conversation, which seems to be one prerequisite for our survival in this world.
I began to accept that I weren’t specifically built for that. And I’ve been able to embrace that part of my personality. But what is so good about accepting that normally-unwanted trait, you may ask.
Good things surfaced once I considered these possibilities:
- I require longer time to process things because I was designed to think deeper and aim for the roots of things.
- There are things that were not meant to be thought in black-and-white perspective.
- Sometimes silence and one’s presence are all that a person needs when being in a vulnerable position – just listen and you’ve contributed to someone’s wellbeing that way.
- Lots of times, truths were meant to be experienced and realized, not told.
The things we’ve called facts are based on what we know and understand so far. The absolute truth of the day, as Richard P. Feynman said. Uncertainty always exists everywhere – this is why science is forever progressing and developing, along with yet new inventions. Just because we can’t comprehend something, doesn’t mean that thing is not true.
Likewise, uncertainty in our lives is meant to propel us to our own new discoveries – the motivation we need to keep learning, to move forward, to grow, to develop, to improve.
I think it would be safe to say that uncertainty is our only certainty.
2
Although our intellect always longs for clarity and certainty, our nature often finds uncertainty fascinating.
Karl von Clausewitz
Intellect, especially reasoning, logic and rational thinking, have been inseparable parts of our life – it is essential for our survival here on Earth.
It’s completely understandable that we long for certainty; we need to put our environment under control in order to survive. Imagine yourself not knowing where to live in the next 24 hours or so, not knowing whether you can afford a sandwich for your next meal; or maybe you’d been in a long bus trip and didn’t know when the next pit stop was, and there you were, had all the while been holding your pee.
Not knowing can make us feel uncomfortable. It can also be devastating in extreme cases.
Couple that with the usually unspecified duration of uncertainty itself.
Even the most flexible, easy-going, or even unworldly, non-material-focused person on Earth would also crave for some degree of certainty in some aspects of their lives. Joe the traveller might need to be certain enough that he would be capable of supporting his own nomadic life for the next few years. Joe the Tibetan monk might need to be certain that he could be a good example for people in general, and keep his genuine devotion.
Do you see now what’s coming next?
Right. Have you ever considered this:
Probably we yearn for certainty again and again because there’s always been that room of uncertainty, built inside each one of us. And perhaps the whole universe, the whole grand scheme, was also constructed out of uncertainties. And each of us partakes of it.
Just like when we search for light in the darkness, we deeply yearn for answer and certainty in our doubts and during the time of uncertainty.
But time and time again we’d find that both certainty and uncertainty do coexist.
We need to be careful though; we shouldn’t treat certainty the way we tend to treat money.
It’s like when we’ve actually got enough money, but keep feeling insecure that it’d be sufficient – and again, we need to prepare for the unexpected. It’s rather our survival nature we’re talking about here.
As for uncertainty, though, we need to learn how to befriend it, but not beat ourselves excessively hard in the process.
Just know that uncertainty will always be here in our lives, and it is the way we see and deal with it that determine the outcome of it.
Try to accept the existence of uncertainty, welcome the fresh new possibilities that came with it, and prepare to be amazed by what might come out of the whole thing.
3
If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it – keep going, keep going come what may.
Vincent van Gogh
The unknown, uncertainty, curiosity, love, hope and faith – these are the very things that keep the wheel of life go round and round.
When humans stop searching, that’s when there would be no more progress.
When we stop searching, that’s when there would be no more growth and improvement.
When we’re being stagnant, stuck and not searching for anything, it means something is wrong – that’s when we know that we have to do something about it.
Numbness is our last resort.
Move.
Take courage to bounce back from it. You’ll find that you still got it in you. That “something” that keeps you alive and going forward.
Don’t you want to know what’s been waiting for you on the other side?
Take courage, take a leap of faith, keep going and steadfastly, persevere – you’ll be amazed.
4
There are a few times in life when you leap up and the past that you’d been standing on falls away behind you, and the future you mean to land on is not yet in place, and for a moment you’re suspended knowing nothing and no one, not even yourself.
Ann Patchett, The Dutch House
The first leap I took was years ago.
I still don’t even consider it a literal leap, since it felt like I was falling instead.
I still consider it a leap nevertheless, for the major changes it has brought to my life.
During the darkest phase, there I was at the very bottom of the pit, yet it felt like I was just floating around indefinitely.
The past had just crumbled, and I couldn’t see a future at all.
Numbed.
Anaïs Nin described the next phase so well; she said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Snap. Decision was made and I suddenly tackled my biggest fears at the time. “Just” like that.
I didn’t even know that I was in the process of blossoming.
I just forced myself to move. Anything. To feel. Because I was not ready for the other option.
And I’m glad that I was not.
Because otherwise I wouldn’t be here now and I would never know how joy feels like, I would never learn how to be actually grateful, and I would miss those new perspectives. And also, I would never know how brave I actually am.
I’m grateful I chose to go through the nightmares, to be finally awakened.
As for now, I haven’t realized my biggest dreams. Yet.
And obstacles keep being their inevitable but also necessary selves.
But I’m telling you:
I can see and focus on my future now. And I AM on my way.
Sometimes if not most of the times, feeling lost and not knowing who yourself is, can be the best thing that could happen to you – you’d have more time to reflect and you’d get to know yourself more, gain new perspectives, have a fresh start.
Be a blank canvas. And use what you ‘ve learned from those experiences. This way, you wouldn’t be 100% molded by your past and your surroundings.
Take over. Not being taken over.
Find your own way. Not somebody else’s.
5
Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.
Tony Schwartz
Our lifestyle requires us to be certain most of the times – that way we would higher chance to survive.
What’s the plan?
What’s the next step?
What should we do if it fails?
Any plan B? Plan C?
And so on.
Being certain and organized has been a necessity for us humans, living in this world.
It may not be possible for us to throw away that kind of certainty just completely while navigating through this tricky life.
Perhaps we can try training ourselves to not fear uncertainty that much?
Maybe we can befriend it?
Some might find it easier to do so, some might find it too torturing. *Spoiler alert* I’m currently more of the latter – you’re not alone!
Nonetheless, openness, curiosity and willingness to embrace the paradox are our ingredients to enjoy life.
Do you feel it too, that black-and-white vision is becoming more blurred every time, as we grow?
There’s always something else hidden behind the scene.
It’s becoming harder and harder to decide between right and wrong and say it out loud.
Choosing up sides is becoming more off-the-menu.
Paradoxes seem to appear everywhere in everyday life, and yes, probably it’s true that they are meant to be embraced.
Because how could we live happily and peacefully without the ability to embrace such things, which have become a part of our life?
Perhaps we can start by first accepting the paradoxes in our personality; the unstable and the stable, the cheerful and the gloomy, the grateful and the whining, the hard-working and the laid-back, the optimistic and the pessimistic, the extrovert and the introvert, the certainty and the uncertainty.
Every one of them seems to have a significant role in our growth, development and improvement.
We sure can learn a thing or two from each one of them.
6
Embrace relational uncertainty. It’s called romance. Embrace spiritual uncertainty. It’s called mystery. Embrace occupational uncertainty. It’s called destiny. Embrace emotional uncertainty. It’s called joy. Embrace intellectual uncertainty. It’s called revelation.
Mark Batterson
It’s been our nature to demand for relational certainty in any form tangible, comprehensible – by us.
Commitment, responsibility, appreciation, honour, respect.
Couple these with tradition and systemic society – the combination gave birth to dignity and self-worth that are based on and defined by agreement, obligation and ceremony.
So much so that sometimes the relationship itself fades away. It’s not anymore a one-on-one relationship; it’s becoming one against the noises – it’s anything but a genuine relationship.
Though, sourly talking about the system and tradition would render us rather naïve, for these things are two products (or by-products) of human nature itself.
Some (or probably majority of) people look up to regulations and other written things to keep themselves in check and not ended up hurting other people and beings.
Though collateral damages would probably always exist either way.
Living a life as intellectual and free-willed beings is a complex matter.
Thing is, in all this chaos we’d often find it uneasy to embrace uncertainty and all the possibilities it brings.
You haven’t tied the knot, but there is high degree of inner certainty despite all the conditional uncertainties. And all other things about your partner and relationship are in check, if not “perfect” – maybe it is that genuine, unconditional romance going on between the two of you. How many times you’ve seen couples made it official because they’ve been forced to do so, or one party declares to end the freshly new relationship if the other won’t make it happen immediately. Or maybe one party needs the marriage for financial and other kinds of security. And so on.
But then again, we all got to respect ourselves, right?
Another way to see it is that isn’t it romantic that the two finally made it official despite all the paperwork and the legal consequences – and for real, nothing is certain, right? Who knows, someone might decide to run away or something, later on.
Find your own definition of self-respect and self-worth.
I meant to say that the two of you are the only people who know what’s been going on in your relationship, and it’s the two of you who know what your priorities at any given circumstances are, after all.
Besides, shouldn’t you be happy, knowing that you’re having a faithful love worth to be called romance?
Likewise, you are the only person that could possibly know what’s been going on in your spiritual journey.
You were born with a name attached to you, but only you can decide what you believe.
Faith goes along side-by-side with uncertainty. That’s what faith is about: An unstoppable certainty in the midst of uncertainty. An unconditional trust. Pure love.
What a wonderful, beautiful, romantic mystery, do you agree?
You wanted a dream job. Perhaps you just recently lost your job. You’ve been working on your not-yet-fruitful business. Or perhaps you’re losing your business due to unexpected circumstances.
And you are now starting over, maybe, yet again.
Or you might now be in the process of searching and deciding your next move after the downfall.
Nothing is certain. Lost.
Maybe this is your chance to do your very own self-reflection.
Finally getting to know yourself better.
You’ll wake up one day and realize that you might had lost your dream job, but you ended up with what you’re supposed to do. Despite the uncertainties, you know that this is what’s right for you, your loved ones, and others. This is called destiny.
When we walk our own path, hardships are inevitable, yet necessary. There is no guarantee it would be easy from tomorrow on.
Just like the sea, emotion is deep and forever uncertain. Sometimes it’s calm. Sometimes it’s happy with those playful waves going back and forth the shore. Sometimes it’s stormy.
Joy finally comes around after we’ve been through it all.
And that’s when we know we’ve learned significant amount of precious lessons life ought to teach us.
These are the things we would find out only if we’ve experienced and learned from it.
The wisdom reveals as we progress through life – and each revelation would continue to amaze us every time, that’s what I know this far.
7
There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.
Buckminster R. Fuller
You might now be in your darkest, uncertain period of your life.
Probably you won’t be able to see your new possible future right away.
Wouldn’t it be funny and sweet if you happen to see a tiny caterpillar happily walking down its path, at this very time when life seems to only torture you.
And suddenly you’re capable of reminding yourself of how these struggles won’t be staying here forever.
Maybe it’s the sudden camaraderie you found between you and your fellow tough living being; one tiny caterpillar who’s got no idea that it would go through metamorphosis, which looks painful, although, who knows?
Just like you can’t see any light from where you are right now, the caterpillar can’t see itself turning into butterfly, days from now. Yet it’s going to be a butterfly.
It’s like when Marty Rubin said, “You don’t know to live. You live,” which is absolutely true.
You’re going to find the light. Never get tired of navigating through the maze and overcoming the trials, promise?
You know what, what a beautiful coincidence – I’m smiling ear to ear right now; I listen to random songs as I write, and the lyrics to this particular song – Apart from the word cocoon in the lyrics, just now, the singer sung this phrase repeatedly and beautifully:
“You’re gonna fly, this is not the end of you.”
Love and best wishes,
Ella
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